funny letters

[likethebeer]

This letter was written was regarding a new Washington Post piece on the "new" Birds and Bees, and I thought it was really funny:

Title: The birds and the beasts of burden?

At the zoo, my wife and I and our 4 year old round the corner, to be confronted with the spectacle of the camels in their enclosure, madly going at it. And I do mean madly. There's nothing discreet about camel sex: bawling, roaring, pawing, strings of saliva reaching clear to the ground. My son watches with interest while my wife waits for the shoe to drop. (Okay, don't make a big deal out of it... it's just nature in action, and Junior's a total biology-major-in-training already. Just be factual and matter-of-fact. And not explicit.)

"Mommy, what are they doing?"

"They're trying to make a baby, sweetie."

Apparently that's taken at face value, inocuous enough. He watches for a while longer, silent, but the gears in his head are turning. Bear in mind that we had recently broached the subject of the possibility of a new baby brother.

Finally the penny drops. "Mommy, can I watch you and Daddy make my baby brother?"

(Sweet mother of god! ...Don't crack up, don't crack up. Maintain. Control. He doesn't know what he's asking.) "Ah....no, sweetie. That's private."

"Oh, I don't mean right now! But when you do!"

By now I can't even look at either of them, or I'm going to lose it completely. "Uh, hon? Why don't we go see some of the other animals? (sotto voce) Like the elephants pulling crap out of each others's asses with their trunks and eating it, like last time we came here?"

I'm never going to the zoo again.

Totally different thing, but when we were with my niece (me & my sister) were in the car after we went out to the dog park. Q fell and skinned her knee and flipped out (she's wont to be upset when she's injured). E, judging her daughter, said, "No. It's over. We have to go home." So we got into the car w/my niece being quite upset, and E was saying to her, "Do you have to pee?" And Q said in this plaintive voice, "I think I just did."

And we weren't allowed to look at her (Q'd already told us we couldn't). But E could hear the snort of laughter coming from me (as I heard it from her). All the sudden, I was back in high school, trying not to laugh in front of one of the nuns: the humor itself wasn't that overwhelming. Trying not to laugh made me laugh harder.

We survived. E & I knew it was best not to catch each other's eyes, and just to get Q back to her mommy, who was prepared with a band-aid, a movie, and prepared for her daughter having peed all over her car seat (she didn't).

Still, it was really funny, and made me feel connected to my sister as we both tried to deal with NOT LAUGHING when a kid makes you want to laugh, so much, but you know you can't.