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likethebeermda came across clientcopia.com: Stupid Client Quotes, which can suck you in.
Stupid Client Quote #184
Stupid Client Quote #56
Stupid Client Quote #59
Makes me either want to post to that site w/some of my small experiences, or just not post at all b/c it can't compete.
* "When I go to our site on Firefox, and click the scroll wheel to open a new tab, the backbutton doesn't work." It doesn't work on any site where you open a hyperlinked page in a new tab - I checked.
* "Could you make the words 'New' on the home page blink so that people notice it?" I said "no" even though I probably could have done it.
* the guy who constantly used the word "jpeg" for any computer-related file, including .pdfs, web pages, .tiffs. "Oh, we've got that on a jpeg we can send to you."
* This is the same guy who had sudden problems opening jpegs after he went through all of the ones in a certain folder and renamed them and removed the ".jpg" file extension. "Well, the computer told me there might be a problem, but I didn't think there would be." The images opened again after I typed the file extension back in.
* The (older, not computer savvy) guy I was helping, and we were doing something where he needed to hit the "Shift" button. When we got done that, I told him to hit the "Shift" button again for something else.
"But, I don't need to do that again. I already hit the 'Shift' button."
"True, but a computer isn't a typewriter." Good thing I am old enough to know how a typewriter keyboard works, or else we could have been in trouble. [Pic of a manual typewriter keyboard w/a "shift lock" key]
* There are plenty of things that mda went through, one of which I remember happened at our company: he used to get calls from one of the women downstairs that the "printer's not working again." He would go downstairs and find that someone had turned the printer off the night before. So when he would go downstairs and realize the printer needed to get turned back on, about 6 copies of the same document would start to print (because she kept hitting the "print" button when the doc didn't print).
Finally, he just put a post-it note over the On/Off switch that said, "Don't turn off the printer! It likes to sleep...." Never had that problem again.
Clientcopia : Stupid Client Quotes...
There's no getting around it. At some point in your career, your patience will be tested with a stupid client who is so clueless that you'll question your sanity, career choice, and the future of mankind.
You may have dealt with one already, one that just stuns you like a deer in headlights. Dumbfounded to utter anything but an "uhhh...". Some clients have no concept of reality. They make up their mind, just to change it again to an even more hideous decision. And will end up blaming you for the mess. Can we honestly blame the client? Sure we can...
Clientcopia was created to give you an escape. Take joy in knowing you are not alone.
Stupid Client Quote #184
We've decided that we'd like to enhance the site slightly. We want "flashing words" and all sorts of graphics "bouncing" everywhere around the screen -- at the same time, I don't want this to be distracting to visitors that come to our website.
--keep in mind, it's Wednesday afternoon--
I was hoping you could show us something by the end of the week. Also, can you inlcude this new work without increasing your original price quote for [domainnamewithheldtoprotecttheidiotic].com
Stupid Client Quote #56
Client - "We are trying to put accross a more cosmopolitan, youthful image. Please replace the picture of the caffetiere with the picture of a cheese and onion pasty. Also swap the coissants next to the dualit toaster with a ham sandwich."
Different Client - "Please move the buttons to the top right hand side as one of my friends who uses the internet a lot says they will look better there."
Another Client - "I've got an idea for the logo - can you put the words **** ***** into a rectangle with slightly rounded corners - only I want you to make the letters spin round individually - Oh yeah, and can you make them silver?"
Stupid Client Quote #59
Client: "Can you make the background constantly change colors? I want people to know that we are fun and exciting."
Me: "People will think you are trying to give them a siezure."
Client: "Look, just try it, and if we don't like it, we can change it later."
Me: "Well, this will really, really make it hard to design the rest of the site if the background color is constantly changing."
Client: "Then make the rest of it change, too."
Me: ".........uhh, are you sure that's what you want?"
Client: "Yes"
Client: "This looks like crap. Why did you make it like this?"
Me: "You asked me too."
Client: "If you knew it was going to look like this, why did you even bother?"
Me: "Because I charge you by the hour."
Let's just say that now he's a lot more picky about what random ideas he makes me carry out.
Makes me either want to post to that site w/some of my small experiences, or just not post at all b/c it can't compete.
* "When I go to our site on Firefox, and click the scroll wheel to open a new tab, the backbutton doesn't work." It doesn't work on any site where you open a hyperlinked page in a new tab - I checked.
* "Could you make the words 'New' on the home page blink so that people notice it?" I said "no" even though I probably could have done it.
* the guy who constantly used the word "jpeg" for any computer-related file, including .pdfs, web pages, .tiffs. "Oh, we've got that on a jpeg we can send to you."
* This is the same guy who had sudden problems opening jpegs after he went through all of the ones in a certain folder and renamed them and removed the ".jpg" file extension. "Well, the computer told me there might be a problem, but I didn't think there would be." The images opened again after I typed the file extension back in.
* The (older, not computer savvy) guy I was helping, and we were doing something where he needed to hit the "Shift" button. When we got done that, I told him to hit the "Shift" button again for something else.
"But, I don't need to do that again. I already hit the 'Shift' button."
"True, but a computer isn't a typewriter." Good thing I am old enough to know how a typewriter keyboard works, or else we could have been in trouble. [Pic of a manual typewriter keyboard w/a "shift lock" key]
* There are plenty of things that mda went through, one of which I remember happened at our company: he used to get calls from one of the women downstairs that the "printer's not working again." He would go downstairs and find that someone had turned the printer off the night before. So when he would go downstairs and realize the printer needed to get turned back on, about 6 copies of the same document would start to print (because she kept hitting the "print" button when the doc didn't print).
Finally, he just put a post-it note over the On/Off switch that said, "Don't turn off the printer! It likes to sleep...." Never had that problem again.
