It's March--grieving stuff

[likethebeer]

I got mda to agree to going to Michigan on March 21 and coming back March 27. We drive to his parents' house, then March 22 will be the 1-year anniversary of his dad's death. This is really important to me. I don't know how important it is to him--well, of course it's important, but he talked to his mom about it, and there are things going on at his job, too. One of the proprietors is going through chemo, and he's been there to fill in, especially when R is feeling crappy, but I *think* they would understand if he took off to go to MI (that's sarcasm on my part). And, damn, they can get along for a week. Might be good for them. And, really, *I* want to be there for his mom. Even though we'll have to sleep in the separate rooms, and blah blah blah--like go to a Roman Catholic church ceremony. I would go on the 22nd, but definitely not on Sunday. Hopefully, rockin' Father Phong will be there, b/c he was just too cool.

I could say, "I can't believe it's been a year," but really, it has felt like a year. Maybe because he died the day after spring started, and we're in winter right now. I see mda's mom going through what she has, and I wonder how she has adjusted to "being a widow". I don't know. Her life changed so much, so quickly. Aside from the fact that she was married in 1966 and was a good wife, totally devoted to the idea, the last 7 years of her husband's life were dealing with cancer and all sorts of things, and the last 8-9 months of his life were dealing with dialysis. Every 4 hours of changing bags over. Then he died after all this build up and... then what? Her taxes were even done, man! (oh, that John!).

I will see what I observe, as much as I can, but I know that she's trying to find her purpose right now. She was a wife, mother, and teacher (in that order) and now she's retired, her kids are grown, and she is widowed. Last time mda talked about this, he mentioned that his mom is actually thinking about volunteering, and I think she has a great personality for it. We'll see what's up.

Comments

[jujupees.livejournal.com]

God! I really hadn't registered how close mda's father's death was to that of my dad. I'm sure he feels shocked as I do that it's already been a year.

Have a safe trip.

[likethebeer.livejournal.com]

I'm sure mda isn't aware of the proximity either; people on the fringes have more room in their brains to think about this stuff.

Hopefully the weather will be good for the trip, b/c it's going to suck as always (Chicago).

[jujupees.livejournal.com]

Ever consider taking the Ferry?

[likethebeer.livejournal.com]

Great idea, and I checked immediately, but they don't start sailing until April 14.

We took the ferry to MI a few years ago, and while it added to our day (and lessened our wallets) it was totally worth it. You get to relax, watch that Whoopi Goldberg-meets-nuns movie, and sleep. We were much refreshed when we got to the east side of the lake. We were much happier and more relaxed by the time we met up with his parents.

[jujupees.livejournal.com]

It's just long enough a ride to really nail a decent book too.

[likethebeer.livejournal.com]

we nailed other things on that trip, but we were still young n' horney. Oh, those times!

[jujupees.livejournal.com]

Ha!

[binro33.livejournal.com]

his mom is actually thinking about volunteering

That is an excellent idea. Keeping busy, feeling useful, and being surrounded by people will all help her combat loneliness.

[likethebeer.livejournal.com]

She's thought about either: volunteering with new teachers (a free job she used to do before), or reading for little kids at the library. Both things she liked doing. Fortunately she has wonderful friends who keep her involved in activities; and she has her daughter and BIL a half-hour away. I just have to pay homage to the gods that mda's sister divorced that first guy (who mda referred to as "the boy-man") and married a man who offered, without prompting, to hang out with mda's parents. mda's BIL was such a good presence during the aftermath of John's death.

Still, I wonder if I could get mda's mom involved in a stitch-n-bitch! That would be too funny.

[kalimama.livejournal.com]

XOXO
I think the trip sounds like a very good idea.

[likethebeer.livejournal.com]

We're working on arranging things, and mda is talking to his mom right now. She just loves her kids so much that I want her to have them around her on that day. Damn, the woman gives things to me on my b-days, and I'm the woman who is living in sin with her son. THat's love, man. That she closes down all of that conditioning b/c she is there for her kid.

Yeah, it totally annoys me that mda & I have to sleep in separate rooms even in her daughter's home, but she is a wonderful woman.

Oh, and hey!

[likethebeer.livejournal.com]

Good thing about having been brought up Catholic: mda's mom can't tell me ANYTHING about the Roman Catholic religion that I don't already know. I was brought up in the club, man! It's not like she's going to "catch" me into it. I went through it, I know it, I can respect it, but I don't want any real part of it.