From Table Talk

[likethebeer]

This was in their "posts of the week" section:

The Comment That Made Him/Her an Ex.

Tessie - 07:22 am Pacific Time - Feb 22, 2006
"We're too old to worry about being sexy anymore."

"This brain tumor of yours is happening at a really bad time for me; I've got a lot going on at work right now."

"How can you be unhappy? I have everything I want."

Yes, these are actual comments made to me by my actual ex. What are yours?

Blue Bunny - 07:40 am Pacific Time - Feb 22, 2006 - #1 of 192
"I want to watch you have sex with someone else."

"Can you give me those earrings so I can give them to my next girlfriend?"

"No one will ever love you but me."

Tinsel - 07:44 am Pacific Time - Feb 22, 2006 - #3 of 192
"I'd take you home to meet my parents, but they'd wonder what the attraction was."



JoMN - 08:37 am Pacific Time - Feb 22, 2006 - #18 of 192
"You know, you dress like someone a lot fatter than you really are."

Aspidistra - 08:43 am Pacific Time - Feb 22, 2006 - #20 of 192
If we got married, I could move out of my parents' house and I'd save a lot on car insurance.

cjgriffin - 10:20 am Pacific Time - Feb 22, 2006 - #41 of 192
"At your weight, there aren't that many guys who would want you."

c-beth - 10:53 am Pacific Time - Feb 22, 2006 - #47 of 192
"I have feelings ... deep feelings ... for you. But, now, I have to TRANSFER those feelings to someone else. Thanks for understanding."

greenjay - 11:10 am Pacific Time - Feb 22, 2006 - #52 of 192
"Will you finish my taxes before we file for divorce?"

Tessie - 11:37 am Pacific Time - Feb 22, 2006 - #68 of 192
"Did you notice I didn't get you anything for Valentine's Day?"

"You've never gotten me anything for Valentine's Day."

"Yes, but this time, I deliberately didn't get you anything."

Bonita - 01:26 pm Pacific Time - Feb 22, 2006 - #107 of 192
Me: "I'm going to my parent's house -- my mom's only got a few more hours to live and I want to be with her."

Him: "Uh, I've got tickets to the drag races. Mind if I go there while you're at your mom's?"

Maneki Neko - 02:25 pm Pacific Time - Feb 22, 2006 - #120 of 192
Him: "I like you and I think you're attractive. But I can't hang out with you because, well, there's this social hierarchy at our school, which is unfortunate, but basically, I can't be seen in public with you."

Calif Transplant - 03:22 pm Pacific Time - Feb 22, 2006 - #134 of 192
Me, observing him gazing at me in an odd manner: "What are you thinking about? Why are you staring at me?"

Him: "I'm just thinking about how flawed you are."

Calamity Jeanne - 05:36 pm Pacific Time - Feb 22, 2006 - #151 of 192
Him, on our third date (we've been out for drinks and are now sitting in his apartment, having just smoked some extremely good weed): Oh, by the way, I meant to tell you: Don't get too attached to me. I have other girlfriends.

Me, getting up and putting on my jacket: Is that right? OK, I won't. See ya. Bye.

(slam)

This sort of makes me wonder what I would come up with in that situation. Off-hand, I have this to offer:
"You're 19. I'm 21. You can't understand how much more mature I am than you."

Comments

[kalimama.livejournal.com]

"How can you be unhappy? I have everything I want."

I have heard this in various versions many times over the past 10 years or so.

[likethebeer.livejournal.com]

I didn't get that one, but that was the situation w/the guy I was engaged to. Oh, he was happy as punch. Me? Not so much.

[wi-c.livejournal.com]

Me: "I love Chicago. I love you. I could be here with you forever."

Her: "I hate Chicago and I'm a lesbian."

Alrighty, then!

[likethebeer.livejournal.com]

Ah, yes, the lesbian. We need worse stories!

[wi-c.livejournal.com]

Well, K, from my perspective that was pretty bad.

[wi-c.livejournal.com]

It was a six-year relationship. What was bad was that she didn't want to break-up. She wanted me to wait as long as it took her to decide what the fuck her deal was. As it turns out, it was an exceedingly liberating experience.

[likethebeer.livejournal.com]

as was breaking up w/the fiance. Terrifying, incredibly painful, but liberating. Not as singularly memorable of finding the guy in bed w/the crazy girl, but there were definitely some soul-searching evenings following that prick.

[likethebeer.livejournal.com]

Well, yes. ANd I don't mean to imply that that situation wasn't bad.

[sargiegirl76.livejournal.com]

From the ex-husband:

"I love you, but she's the one that's pregnant..."

And the current ex:

"The last thing I need right now is a relationship. Can you go and pick up some smokes for us while we talk about this?"

/yaaaaay

[likethebeer.livejournal.com]

"she's the one that's pregnant..." Oh, sweet. You guys have some good luck w/that relationship, then.

And I would appreciate you picking up the smokes. And get me some alcohol while you're at it.