More biological clock issues, but without the bitterness:

[likethebeer]

Well, I managed to make it to a 3-yr old's birthday party yesterday w/out dissolving in a fine display of female hormonal overload. It's been an interesting couple of days, otherwise. I haven't been hit this hard, consistently, since before 9-11. Probably 6 weeks after 9-11, mda & I found out about this place, we eventually moved in, had shitloads of other things to deal with, so all the urges went more or less into hiding.

I can only assume it was the birth of Terrence's kid that threw me off, although things began to brew last week at a friend's house, when mda was once again the center of a 2 and 4 year old's attention.

I talked to mda slightly b4 going to C&M's house for their daughter's birthday party. I was actually quite pleased that I managed to do it w/out crying (which I'd been on the verge of most the morning and the day before, and had broken through a few times). I just told him how I felt. We took separate cars in case I felt the need to run away. It's actually pretty funny in retrospect (at was amusing at the time) b/c as I got out of the car there was this sort of child zone of influence, or more like a biological clock forcefield. The close I got to the sounds of children running around in circles and yelling, the more overwhelmed I felt. I considered just leaving, then I went & smoked a cigarette behind my car while I tried to puzzle this out. This was where I really felt this forcefield like effect as soon as the kids voices were fading.

I've been in situations like this (and as I told mda yesterday, it's v.strange to have an emotional reaction that is not tied to any thought whatsoever) and trying to be Rational doesn't work At All. In fact, it can often make it worse, as you're trying to tell yourself, "it'll be ok, you just have to get through this." So I had all this going through my head when I walked in.

And it turned out just fine. I think what happened was I was talking to a couple I didn't know about things I don't usually talk about, and that shoved things out enough, so that w/in about 15 minutes, I was ok. Weird, weird, very weird.

Comments

I was ok. Weird, weird, very weird.

[erisreg.livejournal.com]

it's always very striking how sometimes you just have to ride the emotions,.. since i am incapeable of sireing chirldren, it's been brought home to me on seveal occasions, that you can't always think it trough,..

Re: I was ok. Weird, weird, very weird.

[likethebeer.livejournal.com]

I didn't realize your background, obviously.

Stupid DNA. Takes rational people and puts these feelings into them.

obviously.

[erisreg.livejournal.com]

and i was ony gessing at thing beyond the obvious in your case,.. i offered it so you would see from wence my empathy arose,..

Re: obviously.

[likethebeer.livejournal.com]

Well, thanks. That's more than I deserve given that you've now taken the opportunity to reply to 2 clock meltdowns.

[seattleforge.livejournal.com]

Without knowing a bit of background on this, I'm afraid I'm gonna stick my foot in it. That being said, I'm going forward.

Have a kid already.

[likethebeer.livejournal.com]

You gonna knock me up?

[seattleforge.livejournal.com]

It'd have to be by mail.

It'd have to be by mail.

[erisreg.livejournal.com]

haha sounds like lots of fun,..:D

Re: It'd have to be by mail.

[seattleforge.livejournal.com]

I am qualified tho. I got the puck on the net on the 2nd try with my wife. So, unless she was cheating..

I am qualified tho.

[erisreg.livejournal.com]

must look great on your resume,..:)

but you have the smartass gene so that might be worth something,..:D

Re: I am qualified tho.

[seattleforge.livejournal.com]

HA!

I'm totally updating my CV now.

Re: It'd have to be by mail.

[likethebeer.livejournal.com]

lots of fun--well, in a way ;P

[literaryladybug.livejournal.com]

I am not really sure what your going through - but I feel a need to say something. Like you need a hug or something. Not sure. I haven't known you very long so I don't know your history very well.

Tom and I just lost our first child a couple of months ago. It's been tough and it has caused me to react to things I never thought would have bothered me. At Coco's party I at one point felt swarmed by pregnant women. I am suddenly aware of the fragile nature that is womanhood - or perhaps more accutatly in this case - wombenhood.

I am sorry you are struggling with this issue.

[literaryladybug.livejournal.com]

And by accutately I mean Accurately. Man. My spelling is almost as bad as my typing....

[likethebeer.livejournal.com]

Mmm, yeah. I have read enough of your journal to know something happened recently, and I thought this morning on the way to work that perhaps putting this out publicly isn't the cheeriest thing for you to come across. Sorry. Thanks for writing, though.

My biggest meltdown happened during/after a baby shower and I felt trapped by pregnant women and babies, and talk of pregnancy and babies. I got home and called my friend who's been trying to get pregnant for years, and it was good to know someone felt that same way. That doesn't measure up to what you and T had to have gone through.

Wombenhood is its own territory. "Can't you just get your own broadcasting network so I can change the channel?"

[literaryladybug.livejournal.com]

Don't censor your journal on my account. It's comforting to me to know other people are struggling with Wombanhood.

[likethebeer.livejournal.com]

Aw, thanks. That's very sweet of you.

thanks

[(Anonymous)]

We appreciate you showing up to Z's party in the midst pf your current feelings - it's a testament to your friendship of our family and it isn't lost on us. Take care - WI-C

[likethebeer.livejournal.com]

Well, like I said, it came on hard and strong, and all of the sudden. It hadn't been there 2 days before. So I never know hwo I'm going to react. And like I was saying, it's gone away for the most part since 9-11. That's a pretty long time.

Hey, I like free beer, cake and pizza as much as the next person. And seeing Jessie wearing a feather boa while talking to your butt-naked daughter.

hmmmn

[(Anonymous)]

"...seeing Jessie wearing a feather boa while talking to your butt-naked daughter..."

I don't know how I feel about that... ;) WI-C

Re: hmmmn

[likethebeer.livejournal.com]

Yeah, Jessie would look good as Frank-n-Furter (he's already been seen in a dress), and that's not something you want your daughter to go near.

And I think that's supposed to be "buck-naked," because if you're naked, you're already butt-naked.

too much information

[(Anonymous)]

...and when jesse wore that dress, he was also going commando (if ya know what I mean) and you really could see his Frank-n-Furter. Veryscary.

Speaking of Frank-n-Furters, I have been enjoying kidparty remnants the last few daze - I just enjoyed a lunch of ballpark franks, kool-aid & chips. Veryscary. WI-C

Re: too much information

[likethebeer.livejournal.com]

I've been informed of the disturbance caused by the front of his dress. Didn't realize he wasn't wearing his tighty-whities. Probably would have worked better for him. I have told you that (a) I still ahve mda's dress (I look pretty--what is it--trailer girl slutty?--in it) and (b) I was so happy that not only did he wear it backwards, but he sat terribly in it.

[theangelique.livejournal.com]

I just went back and read these posts (I have been pretty busy of late and unable to keep up with the friends page). I feel so rotten now. All I do is put up pics of and posts about my kid lately. I obviously don't know every thing that is going on in your life with this situation, but I do sincerely hope that everything works out for the best.

[likethebeer.livejournal.com]

Thanks for worrying, but don't. It's your journal. And just today I made a post about how totally excited I am for a friend who finally got pregnant. I never know how I'm going to react. It would be fun if I were that unpredictable in every other aspect of my life ;>