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Aug. 14th, 2006 08:26 pmThe world suddenly feels to be going very quickly, and I'm not sure at the moment how to catch onto it. I don't think that writing lists is really helping me at the moment (esp since I can't seem to keep hold of them). I'm waiting for some sort of spiritual learning to hit soon, maybe I'm hoping for another leap--like, when do I learn more ('cept about FLLW)? I think I'm supposed to start getting a hold of myself and soon, but that just hasn't really seemed to have happened on its own.
Oh, and I'm finding that I'm becoming judgmental lately and that really bothers me. I suppose that's unrelated to the above paragraph, but it has bugged me. I'm supposed to be of an age in which I'm starting to know what I'm willing to put up with (I'm pretty sure, at least, that I know who I am--what was all that crap about in my 20s, anyway?), and maybe I'm getting this healthy dose of cynicism? That's ok, it's the other judgmental stuff I'm having a problem with. I tell myself not to think those things, but I do and I can't really just tell myself not to.
Maybe that's why I'm hoping for all that learning that's supposed to be around the corner. I mean, we're supposed to, right? I've got histories of women who became totally different from their 30s-60s, so I'm figuring it'll happen to me?
Growing old I'm learning to live with (or at least I tell myself that, esp when there are such pretty post-menopausal women on the Dove commercials--I'm a long way from that, btw, but I want to be a hottie w/gray hair who still doesn't have to wear eye- and lipliner). I just don't want to get old, you know?
Oh, and I'm finding that I'm becoming judgmental lately and that really bothers me. I suppose that's unrelated to the above paragraph, but it has bugged me. I'm supposed to be of an age in which I'm starting to know what I'm willing to put up with (I'm pretty sure, at least, that I know who I am--what was all that crap about in my 20s, anyway?), and maybe I'm getting this healthy dose of cynicism? That's ok, it's the other judgmental stuff I'm having a problem with. I tell myself not to think those things, but I do and I can't really just tell myself not to.
Maybe that's why I'm hoping for all that learning that's supposed to be around the corner. I mean, we're supposed to, right? I've got histories of women who became totally different from their 30s-60s, so I'm figuring it'll happen to me?
Growing old I'm learning to live with (or at least I tell myself that, esp when there are such pretty post-menopausal women on the Dove commercials--I'm a long way from that, btw, but I want to be a hottie w/gray hair who still doesn't have to wear eye- and lipliner). I just don't want to get old, you know?
