(no subject)

Just got an e-mail from my buddy, Eli Pariser (moveon.org). I didn't open it. It's going to take a few days/weeks to... whatever. A religious fix comes first, though. Like a person determined to quite smoking, I've been telling everyone that I'm going to the nearest Unitarian congregation on Sunday. See what that will do for me.

Had a great night last night w/jujupees & WI-C, as well as D&M. In fact, I think I finally got past the fact that D yelled at me once and M kissed my bf (not that I walked in a rage all the time, but those incidents did change the tenor of our relationship. I was waiting for their son to poke me in the eye w/a sharp stick.) I'll have to write about that later, b/c it was actually something that got me out of my day-long funk.

But I have to get ready for work, and I have to say this: I'm really fucking tired of being on the losing side. The last 3 elections (2000-2002-2004), and the war. Added to that I work at a place that can never seem to get a break (we didn't get a Getty grant, and don't know where the money's coming from), just makes me feel like there's this shit blanket following me around through life.

Like one of those damned inflatable punching bags that pop back up after you punch them, I'm sure that I will delude myself. It's just, y'know, when we went into Afghanistan, I pledged in my heart to those people we wouldn't abandon them. Well, that didn't work out the way I thought it would. Then in the fall of 2002, after this summer of this unreality of Dick Cheney talking about smoking guns and mushrooms clouds, while I'm yelling at the radio, "Uh, guys? Afghanistan? Osama bin Laden? Al Queda?" the war resolution was passed regarding Iraq. But I thought we could prevent the war. There were certainly enough people against it. 5 months later, after all the letters and protests, the damned thing started anyway. And then I made another pledge in my heart--I spoke to GWB w/all of my mental power and told him I was going to make sure he got booted out of office. And, well?

So, yeah, I'm just tired of losing all the time. Not that I'll go to the winning side just to win, but, y'know, it just sucks.

jujupees, WI-C, and happy birthday to Livsmama

Ok, it's her b-day tomorrow, but, I thought I'd get it in there while I thought of it. Yep, that & Guy Fawkes day.

Ok, got to hang w/jujupees, WI-C, D&M and mda last night, to "lick our wounds", according to WI-C. As I wrote earlier, it was what got me out of my funk from yesterday (only yesterday? At the same time, I'm thinking continuously that Tuesday didn't happen. Is that going on for anyone else?). We had a small outdoor fire and some free beer. Some necessary politics were discussed, including the tentative, "Where do we go from here?" [hope the Dems have a plan on the Supreme Court was 1 proposition]

In the end, it accomplished what WI-C had hoped--it was by getting together w/friends that we were able to lift ourselves out. I still don't want to really listen to the news (although I can't completely help myself), and I don't want to get emotionally involved in any political thoughts right now. I've thought of getting small for a little while and taking time out for close friends. Telescope down to my life, and get to the day to day people that matter (she says, while the dishes have YET to be done).

The conversation ranged, and made me realize (for the countless umpteenth time) what truly interesting people I know. We can talk of all manner of things, and do so with intelligence and interest. And goofiness, even while we sometimes sound like poor white kids talkin' in the 'hood vernacular. And WE MAKE FIRE.

Oh, and of course, most interesting was the conversation between the 2 other women there, and myself, regarding pr0n, and what to do about sex in a "mature" relationship. Lucky for me, my guy was there to listen to all of these pieces of advice. I know this will come up as one of the most interesting, and informative, conversations that mda has ever heard. I just told him (as he was reading this at my invitation) that I was v.v.happy that a discussion like that could be had in a setting like that, as, when you've been together for 7 years and you're naturally introspective people, it makes certain things difficult to discuss, that most couples talk about. So, thanks a lot to M and jujupees (even if they can't read this). It certainly was food for thought. Or thoughts for sex. Or sex for food. Or will think for food. Something like that.

I'm reminded of SNL from my childhood based on the news about Arafat today

"Generalissimo Frederico Franco is still dead."