Oh, I can see those extra chapters in my mind: Jefferson’s Missing Head Goes on Tour, Jefferson’s Missing Head Rolls Down the Stairs.

We may have finally disproven the myth that men think about sex every few seconds. Well, us and the fact that The Gettysburg Address doesn’t sound like: Four score and seven hoo-haa… I mean, seven years ago, our forefathers brought forth upon this hoo-haa… uh hem, pardon me, upon this continent a new hoo-haa…

I have never read Jane Austen. As someone on the internet once said, “Her work is sadly lacking in farts and robots.”